Sunday, September 28, 2014

Queen Thyra's Writ Against Pineapples

Her recently installed Majesty wanted to do some schtick in Royal Court.  At Pennsic, there had been a pineapple target on the archery range.  This particular target vexed Thyra greatly because she was unable to hit it.

I've always wanted the chance to play with some of the penalty language of period documents.  So with Her Majesty's willing permission, we read the following in Court yesterday.  (The ears thing is from the source document.  I suspect we'll be seeing a lot of pineapples with Mr. Potato Head ears this reign).


By Thyra the Queen.  Having considered that the peace of our realm is greatly disrupted by the predations of the dread, awful and terrible creature known as the piña de Indes, called by some the “pine-apple,” lately brought from the New World to our shores by agents of Spain for nefarious purposes, and our own Royal Person having been greatly and foully troubled and harassed by the same upon the archery range at the Pennsic, and wishing to restore and bring our realm to justice, tranquility and peace, We do therefore condemn and perpetually exile from this our Eastern Realm all such piña de Indes now dwelling herein.  Should any such piña de Indes be hereafter found within the lands where our will holds the power of law, their goods shall be escheat to the Crown, and they shall be put in the Crown’s irons for their trespass, then their ears shall be removed and be nailed to the market cross before they are removed from this realm.  And if thereafter they are found again within our Eastern Realm, they shall be hanged.  We do further prohibit and ban, with the full force of our royal authority, for the term of our reign, all and any of our subjects, spiritual and temporal, from bringing the dread and terrible piña de Indes into the Royal Presence under the pain of treason, loss and forfeiture of life, land and goods.

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